New Year.

I can't quite put my finger on why the fuss over one night. One night can change your life. But usually this life change is unplanned and random. Not on the last day of the year.
Everyone's going crazy about New Year's Eve. But why?
"What party are you going to? What are you going to wear? Whose house are you drinking at? Who's your date? What shoes are you wearing? Tie colour? Dress smart? Money forked out?"
So many headaches caused by one night. 7-8 hours of partying, drinking, and only God sees what else goes on.
Through past experience I have learnt my lesson that it's just not worth it.
It's just another night in the year where the date changes and so much effort is put into this night I think sometimes people just over do it.
Don't plan, just do. I learnt that from having my plans crushed after wanting to get away from the headache that is trying to organize something with your friends by going abroad. Avoiding it all. The headache. The regrets and the arguments.
Seeing as that has now blown up in my face by as always my repeated mistake in life that is, trusting too much on others, I am now left with the question that I was oh so much wanting to avoid.. "What am I going to do for New Years Eve?"
My answer?

Chinese food and a Marvel marathon.

Happy holidays everyone X

Dry Spill

So I decided that my life has turned into a rut. Which is not a good sign in summer months. I'm turning my life around and looking at everything like I used to. In a positive way. Resits will be good. Whichever school I wish to go to will be good because I need to be there and be happy with what I'm blessed with. An education.

But also, my quiet time. I don't have much of it since A-levels. I picked up my bible and I just want to keep reading this psalm over and over really.

Psalm 42

As a deer thirsts for streams of water
so I thirst for you, God.
Let them lead me to your holy mountain,
to where you live.
Then I will go to the altar of God,
to God who is my joy and happiness.
I will praise you with a harp,
God, my God.

Why am I so sad?
Why am I so upset?
I should put my hope in God
and keep praising him,
my Saviour and my God.

I feel like I wrote them in a way cause it's exactly what I'm going through at the moment and these words are just so.. refreshing to me at this moment. Just like Psalm 1 and Jeremiah 29:11 are.
Like who knows, maybe one day I'll be where I want to be in life, of real. And I'll get the grades I deserve and the job I want, even though don't know what job that might be just yet.. But my future is planned out. So.. relax. I'm just gonna work hard and get to where God wants me to get. Yes? Good plan? Si, l'ho penso anch'io.

Life.

I fail at this blogging thing realllyyy, but I try. This summer is so upside down, my life feels like it's taking on a majorrr change, and I have no idea if I like change or not. I mean seriously, we're growing up. Or well.. my friends are, I still feel the same, and I still have no idea where I'm heading in life, even more now with the disappointing shock of my results. I have to resit maths, which sucks, but then I know I can up my grade, it's just when I do, where do I go?

This fork in the road of my life is bugging me, I just want it to pass, emotions are flying everywhere. Who does know what they want to do for the rest of their life? Oh I know, the lawyers, doctors, accountants and architects, but then Malta, what's left?

I'm just praying God leads me to where I need to be, who I need to see and who I need to become. My real comfort is knowing He's there with me after this past year I know I can get through this (:
So blogging world that I so often forget about then fill with more stupid ranting, I have work in.. 5 hours... The enthusiasm is coming out of my bones when I say that phrase.

Also, I want to go to Venice for my 18th, coolest thing ever right? Yeah I know (:

Superstition?

You know, I was never the one to believe in such a thing as superstition, but the end of May does not seem to go well. Ever. Last year, it was Italy. This year 4 hours into Summer and my Grandad dies. I mean, come on, life give me a break. I don't have many places were I can rant, I hate putting my friends down, they're all camping at the moment or enjoying the first weekend of freedom and everyone at home is, well, stressed really. I'm praying, but I just need to put my emotions out there, you know? Write them down, even though not many read my blog, it's not the point of telling the world about anything.

I still have 3 paintings left to do and sketches, my muse to paint is at an all time zero at the moment. I'm too upset to try to cheer myself up with anything.

Yep, now it's begining to feel like Summer.

It's happening!

Wow, one down. I admit it is not as scary as I dreamt A-levels would be. But I did freak out a lot before I actually began the exam. But I'm gonna have to blame it on the 2 energy drinks I took before I got there, I think they got to me, you know due to the jumping, shaking and blood shot eyes that I seemed to have that I noticed before I entered the building. OH, and the most horrid thing happened, so in the exam I was curious as to why every girl in my class seemed to be getting up to go to the bathroom, and having the insane need to urinate myself I said I'd go check out what's so exciting out there. Anyway, I get into the bathrooms and all I see is YELLOW [yes, yellow!] water. And please note on one of the toilets, there was a broken chair hanging there. If that didn't make me vomit in my mouth and push my piss back straight up into my bladder, I went to wash my hands and YELLOW [again] water came out, I was so shocked I nearly puked right there and then. I just ran back to my classroom, and being the person that I am I obviously on my way in knocked over a bag and literally fell back into my seat! I will never EVER go to the bathroom at any other exam AGAIN! [Or use bathrooms at government schools]

On a brighter note, I also have this new found obsession with finding bands on Myspace. It's fun, but time consuming :)
And I still haven't found a summer job! Any ideas guys? I am so lost at this! I really need the money, plus if I am thinking about a gap year to decide what I want to do with my life hence I need a job to keep myself alive!
I hate gap years, I'm so torn up about this. Not going back to school is like a major thing, and it's not that I don't want to. It's just that I really want to study abroad but I don't want to live alone. I'm torn in two here xD

Noow, who's excited about Maths? Oh I'm so looking forward to getting that exam over and done with! I don't care if I get a D [If I get anything lower then a D, I will have to cry and resit cause I will not accept such low grades being listed with my A-level results]
Anyway, if any of you know of any summer jobs open, pleaseee let me know! And if there are any math-sheldon-geniuses again please let me know! XD

Arrivederci x

Films..

Ahhhh *sigh* what beautifullllll weather. I love it, sunny, nice, breezy... Totally inspiring.. What I would give to be somewhere with the Nikon atm.. which btw now has the official name of Harmony.
Alas, I shall soon be off to a mathematics marathon of work anddd till now I shall sketch my time away looking at the sky (: I'm loving this new blogger template though (Y)

Yesterday we watched Remember Me.. Now I am not a person who cries in films.. That's Sara's job, but... I don't know I hate any film... Hmmm spoiler alert, I shall refrain from saying what I was about to say.

I've got... approximately 2 weeks now till my A-levels and I am still not stressed out.. SCORE!
Ah well.. I guess... I'll manage?

But for now I am totally physced out about changing my room. I discussed things with my parents and lime and blue walls + a book case is in order (:

Oh and my next big expenditure.. [other then SS] will be this... http://www.fujifilm.com/products/instant_photo/cameras/instax_mini_55i/
Ahhh *drools*

I'm so happy (:

And look at this babe! http://pro.sony.com/bbsc/ssr/cat-broadcastcameras/cat-xdcam/product-PMWEX1R/ mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm I hate money, but I totally need to become a millionaire sometime soon!

The moment I said it..

This was meant to be the saddest yet best week of my life due to the fact that it's the end.. The end of my sixth form life. Yes, I am old! I can't believe it, I mean I used to look up at old students who came to visit us at school and go "My, I can't wait to get to where they are, it must be amazing to have so much freedom and be so mature!"
Now I look back at myself and say "Oh, you naive child"
I don't know how to sum up what has happened to me in these 2 years, they have literally been the biggest roller coaster of my life. More downs then ups and twirls, getting stuck upside down in mid-air till the point were I was nauseous of my own life. But now, what do I do?
I feel like my blogs have all been about this sickening feeling of not knowing what I'm going to do with my future, and my life just feels frustrating due to the fact that I'm missing so much school and staying home.

*sigh*

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Jeremiah 29:11 [This is what's keeping me from breaking down]

Lenten talks have come and gone, they were tiring in the least but worth it, I just pray someone's life was changed and that they continue following God, cause I think He is the only reason I am sane at the moment. Him and my Nikon. I miss my Lime camera, I want her back ): I hope I find her soon or I'll die! Just thinking about her makes me sad.
I don't have much to say, I apologize if you are reading this, I guess this blog was one of those "I blogged just to say I blogged" posts.
I feel so devoid of feeling at the moment [apart from the sadness for my camera] let's hope this void will help my inspiration levels and God I do hope I produce a good painting today!

I think I have said enough.
Be blessed kids

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