All of us go through that period in our life where we are literally surrounded by people and still feel so alone. Sometimes I think it's become a sort of cliché of society, a way our mind subconsciously conforms to. I don't like it. People around me are nice, they love me, they care about me, but still I feel something's missing. God's there, I know He is. It's just... I don't know really... *sigh* Could it be the worry that's constantly weighing down on my shoulders about what results I'm going to be receiving this upcoming June/July?
Is it knowing my life is going to take a scary but unavoidable U-turn and this is probably going to be the most stressful and exciting year of my life [-2 months].
Is it the deliberation of what I should do with my life? What will make me happy but at the same time give me enough income to live. Let's just say the dream of photography is down the drain here in Malta, and being a lecturer of Philosophy... Well not many openings there now either.
Or is it the stress of knowing something bad is about to happen? I don't know what or when, I can just feel it brewing up inside the drama of the life my life has been the past year.
No. I'm not being negative here, just realistic.
Ah, t'has been a good couple of days if I must say so myself.
Panic attacks about exams, dreaming about my future and actually working to make it happen, actually passing my test (:, Laughing, running around JC, sitting in the middle of a street, being asked if I was protesting about something, sitting on a pavement, eating ice-cream at 10 in the morning on a nice February day, reading, downloading the most epic album ever, smiling, singing to strangers, applying for a job at Soul Survivor, being told that I have a positive vibe (:!, lying down on a bench with a friend, applying for an exchange to Germany, and totally being showered with God's love (:
I think I just might consider this week to have been some sort of musical and just burst into song about it. Seriously.
This has been a great chat guys, please come visit again, I'm looking forward to it, but till then Taylor awaits my eyes and mind.
Be blessed (:
Listen to this song, I just can't stop listening to it myself <3
Ok so apparently I haven't blogged a proper blog in ages according to Paula so hereee goes. [Also Achie complained we don't blog anymore so this is for her too.]
The problem with blogging is that I say I have too much to do and not much time to do it in, but then I find myself doing nothing anyway. I'm getting so frustrated at myself it's become crazy, I'm always shouting at myself in my brain but I still don't get much done. For example I have 12 final pieces of art to give in in less then a month and I have not started yet. I have 7 essays to write and I have not started yet. I have 40 books to read as my new years resolution and I have only read 3 till now... And my poor Bible is also getting the hit cause from once a day I'm reading it like once a week now ):
Next time any of you see me, slap me and tell me "WORK!" Also I've been missing soooo many lectures.. But ahhh! And Achie I really wanted to do that marathon how sad, but it's on the list of "Want to do but never gets round to doing it".
On a more positive note, I have D-group lunch in half an hour and I'm quite excited to be with them all again <3
I promise my next blog will be more interesting, I'll try to blog more often now, I just ask for you to pray for me so that this phase I'm going through STOPS! xD
Infinite x's and o's
Something I 'wrote' while walking home today, nature is just too inspiring (: It's not that good I admit, but I like it xD..
I wanted to fly up into the sky and hide behind the clouds
disappear from the world,
but you brought me back down
to be with you and live in peace
now my worries are gone
and your here
beside me.
Finally, I'm free
in peace with the world
now I stare up and see
a cloudless sky
and know
that you have made
everything right.
I feel so bad all the time lately, I'm not studying and today I remained home to miss 8 lectures just so I can work, I have worked, but not as much as I was hoping for.
I blame Narnia.Good thing about today is I managed to say 'pika' before sneezing. BEST MOMENT EVER!! XD
*ends with a happy dance*
I want to get rid of all the blogs posted below, like cleanse myself of those memories in a way, I know lame, so like I shall blog to push them down and further and further away (:Days are good, couple of arguments here and there but nothing major. I discovered the greatness of skype-ing people, I'm on skype with Jamie right now, poor thing I'm kinda being boringly silent while he waits for me to finish
Being productive in the artistic side of me is really a horrible way of trying to productively study!
Just to inspire myself I placed my prospectus to the University of Aberdeen infront of me and my A-levels time table pinned next to my laptop screen, thoughts behind all this was that they'd be an inspiration for me to actually work!
*sigh*
Ah well (:
I shall now get back to jamie, or sleep really.. I'm not dead but I need rest I realised...
I shall leave you with a song that is stuck and will remain stuck in my head for a while and I give credit to Simon for re-introducing this video into my life (:
Side Note: Also, if you want to laugh sometime, search for Adam Hills - leg or Jeff Dunham - Daughter/Dog. So funny, I promise you pretty people (:
Be blessssssedd x
Well, New Year was 6 days ago, I know I know, but I couldn't not blog about it now, could I? (:2009 was an epic fail in making me happy, but looking back I'm happy at all the things that happened in my life, I mean I love the person I am right now, I've grown and I like how I can actually feel the change, not tangible (maybe the extra added weight from Christmas... but that's not what I'm talking about xD) but I can actually realise from my actions and thoughts.
A'levels are bang infront of me now, not round the corner anymore, I'm excited, they're an important part in a students life, so it's great to be on this roller coaster of constant work and worried sleepless nights of 'Will I manage to get the grades I want?' or 'Will I manage to get enough points to get into Uni?'. Worst question of all that I'm trying soooo hard to avoid is... 'What the hell am I gonna do with my life after A's?' It's a moot spot at the moment. So I'm just gonna work and study as best I can, pray and see what comes out of it, but I refuse to let these exams take over me (:
Twenty-Ten.. Well I'm awaiting many great things to come out of this year but even if many things fail like last year, I know that I will be able to turn them around into epic moments, I don't know I just have this feeling this year is gonna be one I shall remember forever, hopefully. I'm scared about that cause in life when I say something good is about to happen, something bad always comes with it, so I'm petrified at the radical changes I'm gonna go through this year, but again, excited all the same (:
I want to own a zoo. Seriously! Animals are so cute, today was filled with them for me, I met Ellie [Chaplaincy's adorable dwarf rabbit], my 3 beautiful guinea pigs and while I was playing 102 Dalmations, *sigh* [Side note: Yes I know but I just re-found this game and I got nostalgic, I just had to play] ...Getting back to my point... my mom walks in and hands me a calendar of PUPPIES! I'm in love <3>
Blessings my siblings, may your life be filled with awesome every day (:
